Last updated on July 8, 2018
This week it’s all about how to develop a powerful brain for your child.
If you have been reading along then you know that I enjoy sharing great books and especially some oh so interesting ones about motherhood. You can find my previous posts about some good reads here and here.
Being a mother is a lifelong journey that is full of surprises. I find those little beings are so fascinating, simple, complex, pure and very smart. We often put so much energy in doing the right thing while pregnant to grow healthy babies, yet once the baby is out, there is still so much to learn!
It is very important to keep growing and learning from others as well as experts on various ways to be better, whether that’s being a mom, a teacher, a daughter, a businesswoman, an athlete, a friend, etc… and most importantly how to help our children be strong, resilient and motivated human beings.
Knowledge has the power to change our thoughts which can change our actions and change our environment.
So today I am sharing with you a book that has changed some of my thoughts and actions with my son. Hopefully, it can also help another mother during the daily adventures of life with kids!
So let’s get started!
« The Self-Driven Child »
by William Stixrud, PH.D., and Ned Johnson
Here is what I loved about this book:
- « Rather then pushing them to do things they resist, we should seek to help them find things they love and develop their inner motivation… » (for example: such as which activity, group or sport they would like to play). If they truly love it, then they will do it. People go the extra mile or put in the effort when it matters to THEM, not to you.
- The trick is to give them enough freedom and respect to let them figure things out for themselves.
- When a child rebels or doesn’t listen, once you give them a sense of control over their choices (such as options) then their attitude will change. Many kids can feel powerless which is frustrating especially when parents often micromanage their lives (friends, activities, schoolwork, etc..). The reality is that if you want to give your child a sense of control, you will have to let go of some yourself.
- Offer choices!! This has been a life changer for me with my 2 1/2 year old son. I give him some plausible choices regarding snacks, clothing, food, activities, chores, games, etc, which gives him a sense of control and then he usually accepts his choice.
- In the end, “Who’s problem is it ?” yours or them….usually them (homework not done, he/she does not socialize at school, lack of motivation in activities, etc.). So stop making it about you, your child will learn more from her/his mistakes then from your help. Your job is not to solve your childrens problems, but to help them run their own lives. When parents work harder to solve their childrens problems, their kids get weaker, not stronger.
For example : if your child forgets their lunch at home, don’t drive to school only to give it to them. More likely if they forget it once, they will not forget it next time.
- Kids need responsabilities more then they deserve it (even toddlers). This will help to develop their brain.
For example : let your toddler choose her/his own clothes or even decorate their own room. Also,choosing a daily activity are things that will help to develop their brain.
- A growth mindset is important for a self-motivated child. Praise effort instead of their ability.
For example: « your curiosity is fun to see » instead of « you’re so smart
- Kids have forgotten how to look out the windows or daydream in the car (instead many of them have screens to watch to prevent boredom and tantrums). Having that free play and free time to daydream is important…letting your child be comfortable with a sense of solitude.
What can parents do?
Home should be a safe base, a place to rest and recover. When they feel safe and deeply loved it builds resilience and they feel free to explore and come back home to rest. It shouldn’t be a stressful place. This way they will be more confident to explore the outside world in healthy ways and come back to their safe haven.
- Your face should light up when you see your child. It is incredibly powerful for their sense of well-being and confidence.
- You should set limits and be involved in problem solving.
- Remind your child that you are not always watching them so that they can take some of that responsability on themselves. = the importance of managing risks
- Offer a life raft every step of the way in the form of your counsel, explain what you are worried about and talk about it. This way you are supportive and engaged but not controlling or forceful.
For example : let your kids discover the activity that they enjoy doing, if you do not agree then explain your reason but let them choose. It is their life, not yours.
We want our kids to be self-disciplined, not well-disciplined !
- AND TO THE PARENT… – Breathe! …Make sure your own brain isn’t flooded when you act.
There were lots of great examples but these were only a few that really stood out to me.
Enjoy!
Color your style, color your food, color your life!
Christiane xxx