Last updated on February 18, 2023
My negative emotions are positive? Did I read this correctly?…
Hey, hey, hey! Listen up! – I’ve got something important to share with you. You see, we all have a dark side. Maybe you’re trying to hide it away or distract yourself from it, but the truth is that those so-called “negative” emotions have an upside, believe it or not. I’m talking about anger, shame, guilt, sadness, anxiety, jealousy, fear, boredom, disgust, rage, annoyance, melancholy, loneliness, and the like.
Our kids have to see us standing up for ourselves.
Todd Kashdan
Enter Todd Kashdan, PhD. This dude is a professor of psychology at George Mason University in Virginia, and he’s been researching the meaning and purpose of life, resilience, and all that jazz for over 20 years. He’s written a bunch of books, given a Ted Talk, and he’s a scientific advisor, too. Oh, and he’s also a dad to three girls – talk about a busy guy!
But here’s the kicker – he’s co-written an amazing book called ‘The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self – Not Just Your ”Good” Self – Drives Success and Fulfillment‘. Now, if you’re anything like me, you’ve been conditioned to think that your dark side is something to be ashamed of or hidden away. But Todd is here to tell us that we can actually use those darker emotions in a positive way, without feeling guilty or ashamed for simply being ourselves. It’s all about knowing how to harness those feelings and turn them into something positive.
So mamas, don’t be afraid to embrace your inner darkness. After all, as Todd would say, there’s an upside to your dark side, and it just might be the key to your success and fulfillment.
Negative Emotions Are Helpful
Are you setting your kids for passivity?
Anxiety can be a superpower
LISTEN TO THE EPISODE!
Apple Podcast (Leave A Review HERE) / Spotify / Soundcloud / Stitcher
What You’ll Learn In This Episode:
0-6:50 Intro
6:50 Losing a family member to COVID19 & the importance of having a male role model for boys growing up
11:00 Being a father of 3 girls (including twins) & his reality becoming a first time parent of twins
13:10 The best way to spend money is on this ______ says Todd
16:00 The crazy experiment he did to teach his girls about bad people.
20:25 Women & kids need to hear this about your safety in the world
20:52 The importance of learning multiple perspectives.
22:40 Why do kids lie? Ask yourself these 3 questions before punishing your child.
26:10 When kindness turns into passivity & risks of domestic violence
28:55 Teaching your child to speak their truth & stand up for themselves
31:20 What he tells his daughters about bullying, what to say & do about it.
37:40 The three most dreaded ‘negative’ emotions… how to use anger positively
44:30 How anger helped me negotiate better as an adult.
46:30 How using anger has affected my relationship with my partner
48:45 How embracing my negative emotions has helped boost my confidence and gave me more strength.
49:25 Why Todd says this is important for women to understand
51:25 It’s about becoming psychologically flexible. Being whole is….
52:00 Guilt vs. Shame, shame in schools
54:55 What happens when parents shame their kids
58:00 As a parent, you’re leaving personality residues with your children that sets them up for life.
59:10 The dreaded negative emotion of anxiety and how it can be positive
1:02:50 How anxiety can be a superpower
1:04:45 The benefit of having an anxious person in your household & during Covid19
1:06:30 How anxiety can help you focus and get things done more effectively
1:08:00 The benefits of mindlessness vs. mindfulness
1:09:45 The rise of mindfulness and when it becomes too much
1:13:00 Todd’s tips for mothers about having and using your darker side and negative emotions.
1:16:00 Connect with Todd Kashdan
1:16:50 The Last Question: Keeping motherhood inspired what keeps Todd inspired and energized as a father on this parenting journey.
Connect With Our Guest:
Ressources Mentioned In This Episode:
- Todd’s Book :‘The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self – Not Just Your ”Good” Self – Drives Success and Fulfillment’
- Todd’s Articles on various topics
- Grimm’s Complete Book of Fairytales
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